We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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