All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I forget how to act sober
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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