You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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