If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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