i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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