Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize