No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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