If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize