Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
pop tarts are not kleenex
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize