she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
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dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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