I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize