just tell him i said nine months
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
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i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
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I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize