i need an iv and a liver transplant
This house was built for laser tag.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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