so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize