I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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