I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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