I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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