clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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