what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize