Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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