I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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