My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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