I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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