I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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