i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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