I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize