he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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