chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My balls are so social today.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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