i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
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you had me at cake vodka
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize