i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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