I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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