Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize