i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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