I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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