one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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