Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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