Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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