sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
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Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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