i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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