does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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