You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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