Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
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He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
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Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
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