It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize