My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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