kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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