Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
God, I missed his penis.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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