Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize