If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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