When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize