Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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